Wedding Advice for Becca

It’s so interesting to have someone out there in Blogland who is also in the south, planning a wedding, newly engaged, etc.  So, visit that Becca here and get the scoop on her life.  So, she’s asking for advice because it has hit her (as it seems to hit all of us planning a wedding) that cost is getting out of control or perhaps the dream wedding of that wonderful 12 year old self is slightly askew from reality of life now.  Yeah, been there, done that.  That moment hit about a month ago for me.  That’s when the date changed AND Chris and I reassessed what we both wanted.

Here’s my two cents, Becca:

There are few things you need to think about first:

1. Do you visualize this wedding to be a day for you and Jason and some family to celebrate OR is this day to put on a show for family.  Hey- I’m not knocking the latter, just asking.


2. Will anyone who is MAJORLY important in either family have a heart attack, bleed internally, from the ears or nose or mouth, or threaten to eat your first born if you plan a destination.  Seriously, don’t underestimate what people might threaten.


3. If you had to choose a very small group of people that you absolutely could not live without at your wedding- who would it be?  


4. Would the above-mentioned small group be able to follow you to the destination (will these people have the means or ways to get there with you)?


5. Do you honestly care about the above-mentioned people?


6. Most important!  What do YOU and JASON really want?

Seriously, the last question is the most important.  When you really think about what you want and what you can afford- what does that picture look like?  And if you really want certain people to be there- is the picture in your mind something those people can come to?  It is, after all, your day.  It should be something that you want, but not at the cost of alienating everyone around you.  I know of A LOT of people who managed to pull of the destination and they loved it.  I wish I could too, but Question # 3 stopped me dead.

Chris and I were always thinking Hawaii or Vegas (to be married by pirates).  I mean, we were together for 6 and a half years before the ring came.  I got to the point where I convinced myself that all I really needed was the dress and we could go wherever.  But after the ring came, after my family started to chatter, after we set a 2007 date…well, Chris finally started talking (granted- he has said very little since and only when it was very important and it is hard to get him to talk about these plans because, well it scares the crap our of him the money we need).  What he asked was why were we letting everything we want get away from us?  I have a big family, but this is my day.  I can’t please everyone.  I thought about Question #3 and made my list of people I could not live without:
Dad, Mom, Brother, Sister-in-law, nieces and nephews.  
With this list in mind I knew that we simply could not go to the Destination.  Dad has bad arthritis and no way he could go all the way to Hawaii.  He said he didn’t care, but I did.  My brother and sis have 6 kids.  SIX!  I love them all and I couldn’t imagine my wedding without them.  There would be no way they could all make it to Vegas or Hawaii.  That’s how we decided against the destination.  I thought it was what I wanted, and it still (in part) is, but I want those few people more.  I want them to share with me and that means I need to stay in Raleigh.  So, after Chris asked me what I wanted, I asked him.  Turned out he really wanted to get married in the fall.  So we are getting hitched next October.  

Things sort of roll on from there.  I highly recommend getting the Sandals wedding software from THIS link.  It’s the biggest help I have had so far.  I started putting anyone who I might want at the wedding in.  From there I started looking at two things: who to invite, but I knew would not make the trip and who I could live without.  We have our list down to 83 people.  We actually reserved a great restaurant for the wedding and the reception that shows off Raleigh.  Are there people who could still be invited?  Probably.  The thing is- we’re paying for this.  And cutting cost meant that we had an early wedding (11:30) and that our reception wouldn’t be the crazy night time bash.  It also means we would have more time to spend with our guests after the whole thing.  We can all go home and take naps and get back together after 7:00PM on the wedding night.  That was important to us.  So many people are coming from out of town to see us- why not maximize our time.

So basically, you’ll know (once you answer those questions) if the Destination is right for you or if a more traditional thing is.  Look at how much you can realistically spend and who you really want to share in the day with you and Jason.  Once you sort through all that, things will start to fall into place.  Cutting costs means looking hard for bargains.  Our site is a restaurant that is very successful.  It meant that we got married in the late morning and the reception is over by 4:00PM at the latest so the restaurant can open for dinner that night.  It also means that we DO NOT pay a rental fee.  All our money is paying for FOOD, BEER, WINE, TAX, and TIP.  That’s a bargain.  I’m also working every possible angle.  Luckily I teach in a school where a ton of girls are getting married and our office staff’s daughters just got married.  I ask tons of questions and have gotten great info on where to get a well priced cake that tastes divine.  Our budget secretary is even asking a close friend to talk to me about officiating our wedding because he’s a minister.  Use the people around you if at all possible.  My photographer is the part time art teacher who took pictures of us earlier in the summer.  My mom is getting her coworkers involved in helping with programs for free!  There are ways!  Call on your friends, even the out of towners, to help out.  These are all ways you can include people, but also not overly stress yourself.

Anyway…I hope this helped!